Dr Marilyn Saunders recently obtained a PhD in Psychology from UP at the age of 62 – and she’s just getting started. She’s on a mission to assist couples who cannot afford psychologists to save their marriages.

At 62 years of age, counselling psychologist Dr Marilyn Saunders has proven that it’s never too late to make a difference. Apart from having recently received a PhD in Psychology from the University of Pretoria (UP), she has committed herself to another mission: rolling out a marriage skills programme to assist couples in low-income communities to salvage their partnerships.

Dr Saunders, who hails from Grassy Park in Cape Town, obtained BA and honours degrees in Psychology from the University of South Africa, and a master’s and PhD from UP, where she became a part-time lecturer and supervisor a few years ago.

“I realised that so many couples are struggling to stay married, and most of them would have preferred to stay married, but because of a lack of marital skills, they formed dysfunctional communication patterns that left them exhausted and seeing divorce as the only option on the table for a life of peace and harmony,” she says.

Dr Saunders has experienced childhood trauma herself, which is why she is passionate about educating families. Having been raised in the Cape Flats during the apartheid era, she recalls being emotionally and academically affected by the political landscape, domestic violence, alcohol and poverty. She says that because of her history of childhood trauma, she had no goals or dreams for her life, and her self-esteem was severely affected.

“I am thankful to God for moving me out of that environment,” she says. “I am also blessed to be married to Clive Saunders, and in a few months we will be married for 40 years; he has been very inspiring and supportive, and encouraged me to excel in my career.”

She points out that in those days, if a woman opened a case of gender-based violence, the police would send them back home to solve it themselves because it was seen as a family issue instead of a physical abuse case. This made her feel helpless as a child, which is what motivates her to help other families.

Dr Saunders established an organisation called the Marriage Wellness Education Programme (M-WEP), an evidence-based programme that focuses on, among others, predictors of marital dissatisfaction that can lead to divorce. The programme consists of about four days of training.

“I am a psychologist in private practice, but I have worked in a township for 10 years, in the Kathorus region, which has enriched my career in understanding different cultures,” Dr Saunders explains. “The institution of marriage is a wonderful, sacred bond, and couples must be eager to grow in their marriage. Through training and guidance, we can all do better. I am passionate about couples finding each other again, seeing lives changed and clients reaching their full potential, even though there may seem to be no hope. I want to equip couples with the knowledge and skills to protect their relationships.” 

Dr Saunders established herself in the industry by specialising in couples and relationship therapy, individual therapy, trauma counselling, marriage therapy and relationship enrichment workshops. She also has many years of experience at the Teddy Bear Clinic, a facility for abused children, dealing with cases of rape, sexual assault and preparing children to testify in criminal court.

The Marriage Wellness Education Programme

One of the most important aspects of the programme is to help people deal with anger in order to prevent gender-based violence. Four modules help them to achieve this. One assists couples to be vulnerable and share their emotions to enhance closeness in the relationship and prevent emotional discord; while another helps individuals develop empathy with their partners to enhance communication, develop closeness and assist each other in the healing process. A third module addresses childhood and adult wounds that affect relationships, and another introduces couples to communication tools that provide them with structured ways to communicate, minimise conflict, give their partner an equal chance to express their views, and negotiate solutions to problems.

Dr Saunders notes that depression is a huge predictor of divorce, because if a partner does not know that he or she has depression, it could be interpreted as the other partner “clocking out” of the marriage. That is when fear of separation can set into the marriage.

“Not all clinics in low-income communities have psychologists, and the main challenge is that individuals may not be aware that they have depression and therefore do not seek help,” she explains. “This programme provides awareness about depression.”

Some behavioural indicators of depression are withdrawal from intimacy with a partner, withdrawal from friends and family, and losing interest in daily responsibilities. The undiagnosed partner is also at risk of losing their job due to a lack of energy and interest in their work; this affects their finances and marriage.

Sexual intimacy is another area that Dr Saunders looks at. In this session, she encourages self-awareness about sexual desire and intimacy, the importance of open dialogue and better communication to improve sexual intimacy.

Yet another intervention focuses on the role of a couple’s in-laws in their marriage, the development of boundaries and the prevention of conflict in the relationship.

This issue of finances is crucial in assisting couples. The programme teaches them how to budget with the little income that they have. Ideas on how they can gradually help themselves out of poverty are also communicated.

The future education needs of the children are considered. The idea is to help them plan their finances to secure the education of at least one child, the idea being that once the eldest has qualified, they can assist the next with their studies. This can lift a generation out of poverty.

According to Dr Saunders, there have been promises of funding.

“The rolling out of the programme has been delayed because the economy is not very positive and this programme is not viewed as a necessity, so funding is not readily accessible,” she says.