Every year, South Africa observes the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children campaign. This year, it takes place between 25 November and 10 December 2025 under the theme ‘30 Years of Advancing Collective Action to End Violence Against Women and Children’. Gender-based violence (GBV) is one of the most painful and traumatic experiences that anyone can endure – yet for many women and children, it is a daily reality. GBV has the power to warp an individual’s sense of identity, diminish their self-worth and leave psychological scars that take years to heal. Despite decades of activism, education and advocacy, the consequences of GBV continue to exist through individuals, families and communities.

The roots of GBV are complex. Individuals who were themselves abused often project their unhealed pain onto others as a way of regaining the control or power that they were once denied. Unfortunately, this control is asserted in disproportionate and destructive ways that harm others and rupture meaningful relationships. Societal attitudes, rigid gender norms and cultural practices that glorify patriarchy and toxic masculinity further fuel this cycle. They prioritise dominance and control over empathy and equality, often neglecting the emotional well-being and mental health of those on the receiving end of such power dynamics.

GBV is not a single event – it is a recurring cycle. Periods of violence are often followed by apologies, affection or material gifts, creating temporary illusions of love and safety. Perpetrators may promise never to repeat their actions, but the violence inevitably resurfaces. Over time, victims internalise these experiences, losing confidence in their ability to flourish or make decisions that serve their best interests. Many find themselves on autopilot, emotionally numb and psychologically trapped in environments that erode their sense of agency.

Perpetrators of GBV often employ manipulation and control to maintain power. They isolate victims from friends and family, engage in gaslighting to distort reality and refuse to take accountability for their actions. Victim-blaming is common, with perpetrators convincing victims that they are the cause of the abuse. Threats, sometimes of death or harm to loved ones, reinforce fear and dependence. Emotional degradation, such as repeated insults or humiliation, systematically breaks down a victim’s self-esteem. These patterns reflect deep-seated insecurities and a distorted need for control rooted in unresolved emotional pain.

It's easy to ask why victims do not simply leave. However, leaving an abusive relationship is far more complex than it appears. Many victims experience learned helplessness, often stemming from childhood experiences where their emotional needs weren’t validated. This can lead to them feeling unlovable or powerless, or that they have no control over their life. These internalised beliefs make it difficult for victims to envision a life beyond abuse. Financial constraints, fear of retaliation and concerns for their safety or that of their children further complicate their ability to leave.

The psychological impact of GBV extends to children who witness or experience violence. They may struggle to articulate their feelings, leading to behavioural difficulties such as irritability, anger, withdrawal, bedwetting or a decline in academic performance. Without intervention, these patterns can perpetuate intergenerational cycles of trauma and violence.

Men, too, experience GBV but are often silenced by societal expectations that equate masculinity with strength and emotional suppression. The stigma surrounding male victimhood prevents many from seeking help, underscoring the need to challenge rigid gender roles that harm everyone, regardless of gender.

Ending GBV requires collective responsibility. Victims must be supported to break the silence by confiding in trusted friends, family members or professionals. There are several avenues for assistance:

• Thuthuzela Care Centres provide safe shelters and access to professional psychological and medical care.
• The Bridge, a support group at the University of Pretoria, offers a safe space for students who have experienced sexual assault. Sessions are held on Thursdays from 12:30 to 13:30 at the Student Counselling Unit, where participants explore themes such as consent, healthy versus unhealthy relationships and rebuilding self-esteem.
• The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) provides free telephonic counselling at 0800 747 747.

True healing requires both individual and communal effort. As a society, we must acknowledge the emotional wounds that perpetuate violence, and commit to confronting them with empathy and accountability. It is only by promoting compassion over control and equality over dominance that we can begin to dismantle the structures that allow GBV to persist. Thirty years of advancing collective action remind us that progress is possible, but it demands sustained commitment. Healing our communities starts with healing ourselves, embracing vulnerability and creating environments where safety, respect and love can thrive.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the University of Pretoria.