The sets below represent the pronouns that are most commonly in use, though there are many more, so it is always best to ask someone what their pronouns are if you are unsure (see the section “How do I ensure that I’m using the correct pronouns?”).

Examples of usage:

She/Her: She is a writer and wrote that book herself. Those ideas are hers. I like both her and her ideas.

He/Him: He is a writer and wrote that book himself. Those ideas are his. I like both him and his ideas.

They/Them: They are a writer and wrote that book themself. Those ideas are theirs. I like both them and their ideas.”

Ze/Hir: Ze is a writer and wrote that book hirself. Those ideas are hirs. I like both hir and hir ideas.

• Often, someone will tell you what pronouns they would like for you to call them. If so, respect that. If they haven’t and you’re unsure, don’t just guess. Instead, refer to that person by their name until you have clarity.
• Ask a person directly about their pronouns. You could say, “What pronouns do you use? I like to make sure I ask rather than assuming.” However, be mindful of the context. Is the setting friendly to transgender and non-binary people? Also, they might not be “out” as transgender or non-binary in some environments; others could be transitioning or coming to terms with their gender identity. If you think the question might make things awkward for the person, have a private conversation with them.
• Offer you own pronouns when you introduce yourself. Say something like, “Hi, my name is Andy. My pronouns are he/him.” Avoid saying, “I use female pronouns” or “I use male pronouns.”
• You could also incorporate your pronouns in your email signature or add them to your social media profiles.
• Always use someone’s preferred name – don’t dead-name them (use their old name).

If you’re talking about someone who goes by “he/him” pronouns and refer to them as “she” in error, don’t make a big deal out of your mistake. Avoid making the situation about you and your intent – simply apologise and self-correct.

Or, if you realise after an interaction or meeting that you referred to someone who goes by “they/them” as “he/him”, go to them apologise. You could say: “I’m really sorry I used the wrong pronouns for you earlier. I know you go by ‘they/them’ and I will make sure I get it right next time.” Don’t linger on the topic if the other person doesn’t want to talk about it further.

“At the start of the second semester, one of my lecturers told the class that their pronouns are ‘they/them’. They wrote it in large chalk letters and, at that moment, I wanted to cry. I had thought that my identity would limit my future and that only celebrities could be open about being non-binary, yet I had just witnessed someone with a perfectly normal job unapologetically state who they are. That lecture was the catalyst for me to come to terms with being non-binary.

“That lecture also illustrated how being openly queer puts a target on one’s back. From that moment, my lecturer unknowingly became the butt of countless ‘jokes’ about transgender people and their pronouns. Students gradually became more disrespectful among themselves, and many complaints about the lecturer were accompanied by transphobic remarks.  

“It is difficult to accept something that you do not understand. Those disrespectful, transphobic students were all cisgender and had probably had limited interaction with trans people. That is why it is important to move beyond the binary in tertiary education and work towards a culture of respect among students and staff. It is a privilege to have a life in which you do not fear being ostracised, humiliated, disowned or murdered because of something you cannot change – because of who  you are.”