Ideas about gender evolve over time. It’s hard to believe, for instance, that there was a time when it was socially unacceptable for women to wear trousers. Just as room was eventually created for changes in social constructs about what women should and shouldn’t wear, more space needs to be created to affirm the experiences of transgender and gender-diverse people.

“We need to accept that change takes time – but the intention to change is important,” says Pierre Brouard, Deputy Director of the Centre for Sexualities, AIDS and Gender at the University of Pretoria (UP), whose interests include sexualities, gender, diversity, transformation and human rights.

A process of actively reorienting long-held ideas about gender is required, one that is underscored by a recognition that people have a right to self-identity the way they choose to. This involves taking a more considered approach when it comes to how we communicate with our peers who identify across the gender spectrum.

“It is important to have a few guiding values in our interactions,” says Busiswe Deyi, a lecturer in the Department of Jurisprudence in the Faculty of Law at UP who has undertaken research and consultancy work within the legal NGO space, focusing on equality and non-discrimination in general and gender equality specifically. “All communication should be based on mutual, intentional and directed respect, and adhere to the value of human dignity,” says Deyi, who identifies as non-binary. “Affording others respect and human dignity is not based on your value system but on theirs.”

Here are a few gender-inclusive guidelines to keep in mind:

• “Don’t assume anything about a person’s gender, gender identity or sexual orientation,” Brouard says. If you are unsure, use gender-neutral language. “Once you know how they self-identify, accept and affirm the person for who they are.”
• Respect the way someone expresses themselves, and the terms and pronouns they use to describe themselves. If you aren’t sure how to address them, politely ask them what name and pronoun they use. “Where a person has told you their pronouns in a private context, ask for their consent to use them in a public setting,” Deyi advises.
• If you make a mistake with pronouns, correct yourself and move on. “Accept that you will get it wrong at times,” Brouard says. “In such instances, don’t make a fuss. Apologise and move on.”
• Do not ask someone what their “real” or “birth” name is. Trans people may be hesitant to reveal information about their past, especially if they think it might affect how they are perceived in the present.
• Be aware of the context in which language is used. Some terms are appropriate when used by people belonging to a particular group as a means of claiming their identity, but are not appropriate, and can be seen as derogatory, when used by others outside that group.
• Refrain from dead-naming someone – referring to a person by their given (rather than affirmed) name. Ask them how they would like to be referred to. There is also no need to make reference to their gender history. For instance, do not say: “Dr Tom Freeman, named Jennifer Smith at birth, made a pivotal discovery.”
• Respect people’s privacy. Do not tell others about a person’s trans status. Any documents that have the person’s former gender on them must be kept confidential.
• If you hear or see staff members or students using transphobic language or behaviour, challenge it and or bring it to the attention of someone in a position of authority.
• Respect people’s boundaries. Personal questions about someone’s sex life, anatomy, relationship status or medical transition (such as “Are you on hormones?”) may be inappropriate. If you feel that a comfortable enough space has been created with someone, first ask them if it is okay to ask a question of this nature.
• Continue to educate yourself. It is important to have conversations with the trans/gender-diverse people in your ambit, but it’s equally important for you to seek out resources and information on your own.

Additional sources: Advance HE; Amnesty International Australia