I must confess one thing: I pitched up half an hour late to the event I was supposed to report on. This is because I refused to fall for the prank we pull on the NewVs (by telling them the event starts at 18:00 and then making them wait forever). Alas, I overestimated the waiting time this year. It would be great if someone could inform me which WhatsApp group tells the seniors the starting time of the Ladies Rugby.

Anyway, there I was, excited to introduce my Hatfield friends to the event. It felt good to be back at OP, at least now that I have recovered from what I witnessed during Welcoming Week. I was purely focussed on the game before me, when I heard Hatfield Friend #1 say: “Wow, this is peak redneck.”

At first, I was offended, but then I looked through the eyes of an outsider:

On the one side you have a massive gathering of tired-looking people in their mid-to-late twenties, wearing overalls with sippy cups in their hands. On the other, you have a small cluster of younger people in red shirts just standing there looking bewildered.

The tired looking side also features a half-human catapult that shoots condoms at the other spectators (and occasionally at the athletes on the field). With every try that is scored (incidentally, always by the same team),large whips sound from the shadows to intimidate the opponents.

I look back to the field to watch the soccer… oh wait, upon closer inspection this is rugby!

One team consists of aggressive-looking girls with black and white shirts. You can tell they’re seniors because there’s a lot of frustration being taken out on the other team.

The NewVs are putting on a brave face, but because I waltzed in here late, they already look a bit battered. On the other hand, the seniors just seem to keep respawning…

It was an exciting spectacle to watch, I heard a few impressive thuds and it was interesting to hear such a low grunt coming from a women’s scrum. Just because those spaghetti arms look fragile, doesn’t mean they can’t catch a ball. They can’t kick though.

The game ended, and being the good journalist that I am, I went about trying to find out the score. I got several different accounts ranging from 35 to 87 for the seniors, but at least all of them agreed on one thing: the NewV’s score was zero.

As we stood in the big OP-embrace after the match, I couldn’t help but feel proud: As much as every Hatfield Friend Number X likes to insult us, we know that’s just because they don’t understand. Onderstepoort has a culture as unique as the industry we are about to enter, and I can’t help but think that that is something special. #onlyatOP exists for a reason, and this event was certainly an Instagram-able offense.

I would like to congratulate Marenée Botes on her winning team,  as well as the coaches. For the seniors: Heinrich Hensen, Carel Engelbrecht, Ryan Walton, Johan Moolman and Gerhard Gregory. “True legends,” in the words of the captain. For the New V’s there was Daniël Swarts, Daniël Saayman, De Wet Vorster, Jan-Karel Limbach and Liam Best. Well done all you gentlemen on producing two rather formidable teams. Next year you should enter them for Bulletjie Rugby.

To the NewVs: Don’t worry too much about the result, you put up a great fight and we look forward to seeing you in the winning team next year! “These NewVs were the best I’ve played in my years at OP,” says Captain Botes.

And lastly, thank you to all the spectators, who are just as much part of the entertainment as the players on the field.

Now, let’s get back to work. Welcoming Week was a marathon…

Suné Olivier