“This memoir is a story of survival in an abusive relationship. It contains themes of hope, resilience, and tenacity but mostly of strength and courage,” says Dr Koli Matebese-Notshulwana. “It encourages both women and men to love themselves enough to walk away from any abusive relationship; it encourages the reader to find courage to fight for their happiness, and realisation of their dreams. My story is a great example that abuse is corrosive and can destroy a life; it almost destroyed mine. In fact, I narrowly escaped death.”

The Gqebera-born GBV survivor says to her GBV is violence aimed at inflicting pain on a person by a person of the opposite gender. “I am against it because it deprives the victim of living a life free from pain of violence, as espoused in Chapter Two of the Constitution. According to the South African Constitution, everyone has a right to life, and if GBV is not reduced, South Africa will continue to lose women at the hands of men who do not only violate them, but kill them in the most inhumane manner. Women have suffered enough at the hands of men; it is time our government takes the matter of GBV seriously.”

She adds that the reason why the book is titled I kept on crying is because that is what she kept on doing throughout her relationship. “I was made to believe that I was always the one at fault on everything – even when he forgot to brush his teeth. I was manipulated and accused of cheating and not taking instructions.”

Dr Matebese-Notshulwana says the book is targeted at both women and men, particularly young people at universities, where her abuse started. She says what pushed her to write this book was that she had to write things down in her journal as they occurred, so that she could remember that something bad and hurtful had happened. “Acknowledging it prompted me to read more about why I was unhappy most of the time. My journal had it all in front of me. When I looked at it, I realised that I could actually regain my lost voice through its publication.

“In addition, I wanted to educate people about my real experience. Even though I started off as “Busi”, instead of writing in the first person, I was advised and encouraged to make the story real by using my real name and writing in the first person.”

Advising victims of GBV, Dr Matebese-Notshulwana says victims should not ignore the signs. “Read about them and know them, because an informed mind makes better decisions. No one has an ability to change another person - do not even try to change the abuser, you are only prolonging the pain. If you want to realise your dreams and live a fulfilling and purposeful life, find enough courage and strength to walk away. There is so much help out there. Report the abuse; do not withdraw the charges. Reclaim your voice.”

The book is self-distributed and is selling for R170. Dr Matebese-Notshulwana can be contacted on 072 935 5363. She is also on Facebook. Overnight courier can be arranged for an extra R120 straight to your door.

Dr Matebese-Notshulwana holds a PhD in Political Sciences (2020), with her theses titled: A Critical Analysis of the Oversight Role and Functions of the Standing Committee on Public Accounts (SCOPA) in Promoting Accountability in South Africa’s Public Sector.