A   |  B   |  C  |  D  |  E
  • A - Geology Word Plays
  • B - Dedicated Geologist
  • C - Real Questions
  • D - Real Answers
  • E - You Might Be A  Geologist If...

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Geology Word Plays

Several short geology plays on words

Okay, if you are a real geologist, you probably enjoy transferring geology vocabulary into everyday situations. For example, if you agree with what someone has said, you may say, You breccia! or My sediments exactly!

And if you are not pleased with the person's statement, you may resort to the old:

That's not gneiss!

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Dedicated geologists

Total immersion geologists

Total immersion geologists: Are you totally obsessed with geology? If so, then you are a total immersion geologist. Here are the ten warning signs:

1. You judge a restaurant by the type of decorative building stone they use rather than their food.

2. You manage to turn any conversation into a discussion of geology, as in: "What did you think of that Superbowl game last night?" "I must have missed that conference. Who sponsored it? Council for Geoscience?"

3. You refuse to let nightfall stop your field excursions and continue looking at the outcrops using the headlights of your field vehicle.

4. You like rock music only because it's called "rock" music.

5. You will try to claw through the water flowing in a stream to get a better look at the bedrock at the base of the channel.

6. You will walk across eight lanes of freeway traffic to see if the outcrop on the other side of the highway is the same type of rock as the side you're parked on.

7. You name your children after rocks and minerals.

8. You're not sure if you have children.

9. You view non-geologists as subhuman.

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Real Questions


Are the rivers flowing up the mountain or down the mountain?

Is that the ocean? (Asked while on a field trip to Marine Lab Beach on Guam (a small island in the Pacific)).

How can the river be flowing north? That's uphill!

How can mass wasting be an agent of landscape formation on the Moon? The Moon has no gravity!

How do I get water into this beaker?

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Real Answers


The terrestrial planets are much larger than the gas giants.

The main problem associated with limestone aquifers is Lyme disease.

We don't have rock salt on Guam because that forms from from evaporation of oceans and we don't have oceans on Guam.

Erie, Pennsylvania has no volcanoes because it's too cold there.

The most important agent of landscape formation on Guam is greyhounds - they are intelligent.

We know that the sun is much farther away from us than the moon is, because we can see stars between us and the sun, but not between us and the moon.

The rear end of a trilobite is called a trilobutt.

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You Might Be a Geologist if...

  1. You own more pieces of quartz than underwear.
  2. Your rock collection weighs more than you do.
  3. Your rock garden is located inside your house
  4. You can pronounce the word "molybdenite" correctly on the first try.
  5. You don't think of "cleavage" the same way everyone else does.
  6. You have ever uttered the phrase "have you tried licking it" with no sexual connotations involved
  7. You think the primary function of road cuts is tourist attractions.
  8. You find yourself compelled to examine individual rocks in driveway gravel.
  9. You're planning on using a pick and shovel while you're on vacation.
  10. Your internet home page has pictures of your rocks.
  11. You will walk across eight lanes of freeway traffic to see if the outcrop on the other side of the highway is the same type of rock as the side you're parked on.
  12. You have ever found yourself trying to explain to airport security that a rock hammer isn't really a weapon
  13. You consider a "recent event" to be anything that has happened in the last hundred thousand years
  14. You have ever had to respond "yes" to the question, "What have you got in here, rocks?"
  15. The baggage handlers at the airport know you by name and refuse to help with your luggage.
  16. You never throw away anything.